Sunday, June 12, 2016

My Only Trap

I honestly wonder how it became this way. When did I fall into this trap where I let everything you say about me dictate how I feel, what I do, and how I feel about what I do. I didn't realize you became my parent or my boss, and now I don't know how to get out of this slump. I'm trapped in this hole that I've brought upon myself, and I can't even trust you to lift me up. No, I have to hear your criticisms and then go on acting like what you're saying to me is right and okay for you to say so that we don't spend another night fighting.

I'm sick of this. I'm sick of being afraid of never being good enough for you, that I will never do anything up to your standards. Can't you see that I'm already in a slump? And you think your solution is to point out all of the things that I'm doing wrong -- show your complete disappointment of me? How on Earth do you think that's the way to go? I'm not you, and I will never be like you, so you need to see that I need to solve this in a different way than you did. Your way is not end-all be-all, and I'm tired of you not understanding.

I seriously cannot believe the interaction we just had: you asking to see the work that I've done, like you were a teacher trying to catch their student in a lie. Who are you to judge the work I've been doing, when you yourself have not been putting much work into your goals. I may have gotten myself stuck, but now you are the one that is keeping me trapped.

~B.A.D.

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